Out of Sync

I didn't get in my long run at all last week due to cooking for an 80-person seven course fundraiser dinner.

My running wife wants to go watch her actual husband play basketball this weekend instead of sitting around waiting for me to go running.

None of my music is inspiring me to move. In fact, as I did speed drills on the treadmill yesterday, I spent a frustrating amount of time searching for perfect run music and there was none to be found on my 48+ hours worth of music.

I can't seem to pick up my pace lately. I have been doing speed work and we've been running fast all winter, but lately, I seem to be slowing down.

My little girl's spring dance recital has been booked for when? The day of the Fargo Marathon! So it's breaking my heart to have to consider one over the other. I feel like a bad mom that it's even a toss-up, but I THINK as long as I finish in 4 hours I can make it back in time. Yeah, a 5 hour drive after a 4 hour run sounds like a good, safe, not-at-all-gonna-fall-asleep-at-the-wheel idea.

And now I'm headed back out to cook for a retreat for the weekend-- long hours on my feet and severe lack of sleep and my long run this Sunday is going to be even slower.

....

I'm in a funk.

I'm out of sync.

I think I want to give up running and just become a yogi instead. Or ballet dancer.

I'm not good at holding down long-term commitments unless I birth you or sleep with you.
....

And then I get notes from a friend whose doctor told her she could never run and she's running the Mickelson Trail half marathon.

And my mom just finished a 20 minute run this week. My mom is so NOT a runner but she did 20 minutes!!!

I feel so proud and so full of joy for these women.

And it reminds me that even in a funk, running itself is the reward. Pushing ourselves despite out setbacks is what strengthens us, in body, heart, and mind.

There are people who don't have the luxury of running shoes and iPods and great friends to stand by their sides. So help me to remember all that running gives me, all that I have, and all that you guys do for running, all the reasons why we run, all the people we run for, all the loves we share and have lost- those that can not be there at the finish line for us and those who are. Help me to remember that even when my running is slow, I am still out there, with the freedom and the health to run whenever I want.

Even if I am out of sync.

Happy Running! ~Jen

p.s. Note to my running wife: I miss you terribly! It's unnatural to go for two weeks without running together!